November 16, 2015
I’m not one who easily talks or blogs about personal struggles, but I’m going to expose some deep pain in this blog post. I’ve never written about it before, and the only reason I do it now is because I think so many people suffer this time of year, and we need to be sensitive to it.
You’re wondering what my deep secret pain is, what story I’m hiding.
It’s the same story millions of mothers and grandmothers tell all over the world. Family estrangement, especially that of our children. We watch the Christmas specials on TV and wish with all our hearts that we were them. We try to deal with our children and grandchildren being enjoyed by others year after year when we long to have them all together once in a while.
We put on a smile and try not to think about the fact that our children don’t even speak to each other, let alone want to gather at mom and dad’s house to love on each other and share their lives.
This is going to happen in homes all over our cities and neighborhoods this holiday season. Not everything is as it seems for friends and family. Moms like me are going to find it hard to once again lower our ever hopeful expectations and accept that another Thanksgiving and Christmas will go by without a happy family gathering. It’s not the end of the world, but it affects us more than we like to admit.
I’m not writing this to whine and complain about my personal situation. I have been doing some research on the topic, and it’s alarming how many moms out there live through the holidays in pain and grief. Some are dealing with the physical loss of a child, some are living with broken relationships, and some are just longing for their family to be closer that it is.
I realize we have to share our children’s lives, not be the center of them.
Personality clashes, wayward children, divorce, distance, and money are always considerations in the dysfunction equation. Expectations are often out of balance, making it hard to see beyond our own comforts and wants.
All this being said, I want to encourage anyone who reads this to say a prayer for the hurting people this season, and not just the obvious ones. We can spend Thanksgiving serving at the mission, or spend Christmas Eve caroling at the local nursing homes. But in addition to those wonderful gestures, let’s not forget the ones who share our name, our heritage, our history. A phone call or short visit to your mom or dad or grandparent just might help ease the pain of separation they feel.
On the flip side, we are all God’s children, and He is in the business of healing, hope, and a special kind of family. This is where we often find the best kind of comfort and companionship, fellowshipping with Him. He wraps His arms around us and reminds us that this is not our home, and that ultimately we will feast at the greatest holiday of all – one that will last forever.
Have a blessed holiday season, wherever you are and whoever you are with.
Keep reaching!
Jan
Thank you for sharing your story, Jan, and for raising awareness (and prayers!) among us for this shared grief right across the world. Estrangement is excruciating, as is loss through death or divorce or illness. Sending up prayers today, thanks to your transparency and courage.
Thanks, Laurie.
A mother’s pain is unique and often secret. Prayers appreciated!
Blessings, Jan
Excellent post. I have also done some reading on the same kind of hurt surrounding Mother’s Day. There truly is the longing in our hearts for family, especially the unity of family. As you mentioned, that often does not occur in this lifetime. We want the void that is often felt around the holidays to be filled with the images we see on TV shows and commercials. Longings are meant to point us in the direction of lasting, eternal things. What C.S. Lewis would call the real things. What we long for here are shadows of the real. Such an understanding does not make longings for the unity of family hurt any less, but it does put things into perspective. It also validates the pain we feel here because the longing we have for family is something that God wants for us to have. He put it in our souls. We don’t have to apologize that it hurts or think “I am just being whiny.” Should I dare say that we should hurt when family is separated? Family is what God designed for us. We may get glimpses of it here and there. Some will experience it more than others. But the longing for real family will be filled for all who believe, just maybe not in this lifetime.
So true, Teckla. This is not our true home and I look forward to the day when all of God’s family is reunited. We tend to look around rather than looking up. Thanks to God for His faithful nudge to keep our eyes and hearts on Him.
Blessings!
Jan
Beautiful post Jan. I agree that often we want to try and save the world, but just right around us, in our neighborhoods, in our churches, in our families, there are hurting people. Thanks for your caring words of encouragement. Blessings. 🙂
Beautiful post Jan. I agree that often we want to try and save the world, but just right around us, in our neighborhoods, in our churches, in our families, there are hurting people. Thanks for your caring words of encouragement. Blessings. 🙂
Thanks Diane, I know many of my friends experience the same issue in their lives. Blessings for your holidays!